Can you imagine, 23 years Old. Got me thinking, what have i done all those years! I was in High school just the other day, well it seems like it. I was listening to music, like i always do most of the time before the day ends. Right now im listening to Slow Motion by Trey Songs, I love the Video. It’s a song that has a guitar playing in the background, and i love guitars.
Like my previous post, i believe music brings out alot in us at least in me. So this song got me thinking of how the beats that have been incorporated consist of drums and actual claps and it makes a great song when Trey sings.(Thats’s in my head, ignore it)
I have been thinking alot about this post, I have actually written a paragraph and deleted it after running out of ideas or maybe not believing in it as i should.
I have however resulted to type my way to the end on this one.
Lets get started. My inspiration for this post was drawn from alot. First of all the fact that i am not getting any younger. Its a phenomenon that i am still dealing with. I’m still learning what ageing gracefully really means to me. I decided to just write some of the things that i have experienced, if not for every other girl out there, for me, because i know i will read this some time in the future and i will enjoy reading it. Its like looking at old photos of myself. Today we have soft copies of them..sigh.
These are some of the experiences i have had up to this point and just like Brok Akil(Being Mary Jane’s producer) made clear from the first episode of BMJ, who i respect so much for her creativity, this post does not necessarily portray all 23 year olds, just me 🙂
1. EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES!
Or at least that’s how it feels man! I have girlfriends from High School and from Campus creating human beings and its such a beautiful thing but it’s so scary for me. All i’m thinking is..i can’t even think of having a boyfriend right now. I know i always ask where THE guy is but i know that i’d hesitate dating at this point. It feels lonely and at some point confusing because i feel liberated and so happy spending my time as i wish, not considering any guy when i plan my day. I then ask myself, will i be like this till i’m 30? and then be the only one who’s old and single?! just a thought..
It’s just a confusing time when it’s about relationships.
2. I LOVE BEING SINGLE SO MUCH!
This is how i view a guy asking me to agree to a relationship with him
Of course NOT! lol I broke up two years ago, i have been single ever since. It has been a time to heal and just get my mind right about boys. It also was a time for me to reconstruct myself, get to know what i really like and what i don’t. The last relationship, i thought would be that one which results to marriage , but..I DODGED THAT BULLET! and i am grateful because i have learnt alot about myself. And it also gave me a sixth sense when it comes to new guys, i notice all the qualities i do not want from the get go.
The best part, you don’t have to put anybody in your schedule everyday, and i understand that when in a relationship spending time with your partner is the best time of your day but..i’m just not there yet. Not yet. I’m happy being my own.
I am OBSESSED with reading self help books.
I honestly had a really hard time reading any book that wasn’t on the course list or in the library for a long time, but, i fell in love with two books and i had to get them.
It took me a long time and crossing fingers hoping nobody else buys them, because the seller only had one copy of it and the other i was just eager to start reading, but when i finally purchased them, i haven’t been able to let them go. One is ‘Life Lessons from the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma and the other is ‘The Ideal Lawyer’ by Ambrose Weda(a lawyer based in Kenya) They are two books i cannot get enough of, i read them every chance i get, i am almost done with Sharma’s book and i can say that it has actually helped me learn what i needed to learn faster,. it has given me the confidence to actually say that I am a work in progress.
The Ideal Lawyer had literally been published at the right time, when i had all these questions you can not ask everyday but they are always on my mind because i want to learn how to become the best lawyer can be. I appreciate the book very much Sir Ambrose very much. Thank You. I am making it a goal to get him to come to school and give us a talk.
4? SCHOOL DOES PAY
All those years and some people still say all these nasty things about school and the most shocking thing is some of them actually mean it. In Primary School, where it starts, in my case, some ended up dropping out. Well, i do not have the luxury of dropping out from school for sure because i know both my parents would have my head! It’s sad that some people actually hate school and i don’t get it.
It’s agreeable that sometimes i just want to be home or somewhere else but i know if i did that everyday, i’m sure i wouldn’t be as happy deep inside. Negatives aside, school pays because i have had the chance to meet so many amazing people who are still in my life, that inspire me so much and keep me going. I have had experiences in my life that i know i’d never get anywhere else. and i applaud school for having accorded that opportunity to me.
5. ARE BIG BOOTIES A TREND?
I am very petite okay. Yes, small “bootey” if you may. In my twenties, i have had my share of watching so many videos with chiqs with really big behinds, then, all of a sudden, the web world is full of big booties, and then..it goes as far as being insulted by being tagged a skinny B****’ ! hurts doesn’t it. It hurts me.
Let me make this clear before i get called out on this, i do not hate big behinds, i actually think i like them, watching them..but, anyone thinking its wrong to have a small frame is crazy.Lets just accept..the world would be a boring place without diversity..yes, even in that. Nobody should ever feel that they are better because of their body type, its like racism! Accept that we are all different otherwise young girls who haven’t had the self confidence yet will get injections to get a bigger one just like when some have dark skin and bleach their skin to get lighter skin.Same thing.
6. WEIGHT GAIN!
When we are still on big behinds, my weight drastically went down ever since i came back to Nairobi, i was 46 kgs last time i checked and that’s shocking! I want my 54 kg weight back and i just don’t know how to do that! Trust me i eat EVERYTHING any time i’m not too lazy to take care of myself. My body just wont gain anything..HELP..ANYONE!?
No. Its not what you’re thinking.
It’s a friend of mine.. and i just have to appreciate him because he has always been someone i can rely on. I can always talk to and feel that i have made a wise decision. He helps me just get my mind right really. He is amazing.
It’s really rewarding and fulfilling having someone you can count on. i’d say a guy who you can talk to and really respects you goes a long way. a long way. Shout out to Him. I know he’s not reading this 🙂 Thanks alot for being..here.
7? SUITS, HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER, BEING MARY JANE
These are three series that i honestly cannot get enough of. I could watch them over and over and over. They make me step away from reality abit and revive my dreams by showing me that you can actually have what you want, you just have to keep working towards it and never let yourself be boring!
It’s an interest that i gained in campus after the criminology classes.
After we learned about the ID, Ego and superego, i just cannot get enough of the self concept and how to master yourself. It’s a phenomenon that i would want to teach but first learn in detail. Very interesting.
Is it a coincidence that our firm project is on career development and my part is about the five stages of career development , it involves the self concept (okay,Donald Super said that its SELF CONCEPT, he hated that people put a ‘the’ before it and said there is no such thing). I am excited about it.
Not now. But, i do feel like i love some people, i am that confused! and this is why i cannot think of a relationship, because i do not even know what i want yet.
I will say this though, Anyone that loves you treats you right, will never push you into anything but will woo you to it (win you over),they will respect and support your ambitions, they make you a better person, they will always want the best for you and will always care about you and your well-being.
That is all.
10. NO MAN!
Jim Carrey (i miss watching him, reminds me that i have never watched bruce almighty) he had this movie called Yes Man, where he played a character that would say yes to everything but worked out really bad afterwards.
I struggle with disappointing those i care about so much and sometimes end up hurting myself in the long run. I am still trying to figure a way out that hurts me less or not at all as well as makes those that i care about understand. D has always tried to teach me to do what is best for me, it’s really hard though.
11. PEACE OF MIND
I learnt how to have peace mentally.
Sharma quotes in his book that it is important to have a moment of silence everyday so as to be able to be at peace with yourself. Its true, i was out of touch with myself a long time. I have grown to appreciate my thoughts and feelings in time, just appreciating that i occupy space and that i need to be calm and at peace with myself first then be at peace with the world. It has helped.
Just learn how to know what you feel at a particular time and make a choice not to or to to feel it,negative especially. Be in touch with your inner being, we are all very different and how i could react to events is not the same way you could. Identify yourself from the rest.
Always Always Always, never forget your family. I spent yesterday with my granddad and, the time we spent together talking, nobody can equate that to anything else, he was just from surgery. I could have frozen time at that point. Really. I love my family so much and it’s just the best thing knowing that you have the same blood flowing within us.
13. NOT EVERYBODY DESERVES YOUR TIME AND SPACE
This is another one i am struggling with. Because i love being around people i consider my friends, its really difficult knowing who is truly your friend and who is a foe.
I continue to learn that not everyone you consider a friend considers you a friend and, being an introvert, and knowing that i do not click fast enough with people, it makes me think that when i do, then that is a true friend. That applies for some of them. Some use this strength you have to get into your skin and just treat you like garbage. Don’t let them.
Having been taught that tit for tat is not how i’m supposed to live, its difficult to know when to draw the line because i value the few i have alot. Its still a journey.
14. MONEY IS NEVER EVER ENOUGH
Just work for everything you want.
I want an apartment, loft-like because i like big space plus i cant stand sleeping alone in a house with many rooms i can not look into and you know what, i have to really earn alot of cash for that. How…?well, learn everything i’m supposed to, work at MMC Africa, enjoy my work and earn my money then buy off that apartment because i don’t want to think of rent every month and i”m not sure i am patient enough to await completion of construction of an apartment from scratch.
And do not compare what you get with anyone (although hard for competitive spirits like me) use it as motivation and not to feel bad about yourself. But just be yourself do not duplicate someone else, its ugly.
15. LOVE WHAT YOU DO BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL
This long/short i have lived, i learn from everything from the clouds in the sky, the birds, the train that passes by, the bodaboda(mode of public transport on a motorbike) guy that picks me, the drivers, touts, my little sister kayla, my brother and just everything.
I never aspired to become a lawyer but this is where i am and i love it. I however struggled with the fear of everyone that aspired to be one since childhood being better than me. One day i just realized how stupid it was to wish to be somewhere else when i had actually been accepted to law school(which seemed like just another course to me but learnt later on it is a noble profession enviable and a huge responsibility) just like them, admitted, took on the same exams, attended the same classes, ..point is, if i was not living my moment, who was?
I refuse to become that old woman who regrets everything on her death-bed. You should too.
This is part of what i have encountered. I will be here ageing for more.
I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.
…..To be continued.