Today is one of those days. Filled with deja vu or just an eerie feeling all day. Feeling like i lived five minutes maybe because i was tired and sleepy or maybe i enjoyed my day so much that i didn’t want it to end. Class was awesome (i hope i feel the same way after the bar exams). I did what almost every girl loves, even did my nails today after what might be a Decade to some of us! and i loved it.
I came home, had a chat with my close people and im a Pisces so..we love water. and here i am now, after accomplishing my goal for the night which was to finish up some classwork.
Lets cut to the chase shall we! I Love watching TED talks. its a forum for people who’s ideas are worth the share. it makes you think and feel so much that you thought wasn’t available as a speech from someone. I watch these talks when i am seeking to improve on my public speaking skills, to feed my mind when it feels hungry (because just like the body needs food, the brain needs food in form of knowledge too, i get restless when i don’t read something, anything in a long time, anxiety maybe).
Today i watched one about relationships, because i wanted to figure something out, well i wanted to figure out what happens when one is in an abusive relationship, how to cope with it and why women stay in such relationships.
I am not in one, but i have been. The previous one was emotionally draining for me, very but it made me aware of alot when it comes to boys, and i would rather have experienced that in a relationship that in marriage.
The talk, i downloaded it, i have to figure out how to upload videos here though! i will post a link at the end of the post.
The lady talked of how she was abused in her marriage, she got in the relationship with a young man who she loved very much. She had just graduated from Havard and the guy was working for one of the banks on wallstreet. She was attracted to how smart this guy was and how funny he was. The guy, in time, told her about his abusive past relationship with his family. She felt sad for him and loved him more because the guy supported her in most of her endeavors more that anyone else ever did.
After sometime, the guy came home and told her that he had quit his job because of her,. He loved her alot, that is what he said and he wanted them to move. She thought that in relationships, one is required to make sacrifices and so she made one. I forgot to state that before their wedding day, a week before, the guy strangled her till she couldn’t breathe and she went ahead to marry him.
What she says int this video is that people ask; WHY DO YOU STAY, WHY DON’T YOU JUST LEAVE HIM? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?
She gives a remarkable answer when she says…SHE DID NOT KNOW SHE WAS BEING ABUSED. this means that she thought she was strong woman who loved the husband very much, and he was going through alot ans she would not give up on him but try to help him solve his issues.
How many of us have been battered and bruised, a gun pointed at you and coffee poured on you in the morning as you prepare for an interview? Well, i haven’t.
But guess what…abuse does not have to be physical. Abuse is also emotional.
Emotional abuse from someone you love can be as bad as physical abuse or even worse. You love someone so much but they treat you so bad, meaninglessly and you always think that you are being a good woman, that you are staying because you love him, that its not a big deal he will apologise…All these excuses because you are in denial.
The lady, from the TED talk says that the week before marriage after the abuse, the guy told her all these things, that he is sorry and it will never happen again. But she goes on to say that the abuser has three strategies;
1. Get you to feel that you are in control
2. Isolate you from what you love doing or family and friends (which i think you may do without him necessarily forcing you to)
3. Kill you (to me this means, the guy will kill all the dreams you have of yourself. he will make sure that because you are about to leave, you will have nothing to offer to the world, you will not be happy anymore and you will think of yourself as a mop, dirty and revolting)
Please be aware of yourself. I chose to do this by writing a list what what i feel and what i expect to feel as per treatment i get from someone and if that doesn’t balance, well, stay away from that person.
If you have a habit of forgiving easy, which may be mistaken by many as forgetting easily and they also take it as being weak, just write down what you do not want to experience and that will deter you, mostly the painful experiences.
Getting emotionally abused is executed by lovers, friends, and even family. Identify what you want, how you want to be treated and if that’s not it, please leave that relationship or avoid the person entirely before they kill you inside.
Note to self. Note to anyone that understands.
click on the links for the video and some info i got.