How To Ruin Your Life (Without Even Noticing That You Are)

loved this piece.its for today and the days to come

Thought Catalog

Erin KellyErin Kelly

Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age. It’s okay if you do, as long as you understand that if you’re not married by 25, or a Vice President by 30 — or even happy, for that matter — the world isn’t going to condemn you. You are allowed to backtrack. You are allowed to figure out what inspires you. You are allowed time, and I think we often forget that. We choose a program right out of high school because the proper thing to do is to go straight to University. We choose a job right out of University, even if we didn’t love our program, because we…

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TIME

Hi you..i hope your day is going okay. I hope you  are happy today and smiling.

I need to share something with you..about my feelings today, at this time.

I am in the dark, in my bed. I am listening to Emeli Sande’s Read all about it, a coincidence when i think about it now that im writing to you about my feelings.

Can i ask you something? Do you ever feel like you give so much to everyone, like you love everyone in your life that you value..so much that you would do anything for them?

Then…sometimes you feel like they do everything in their power to push you away? and you wonder why they are doing that because it hurts your feelings? And you wonder why they do somethings that you would never do to them.. Then, you start asking yourself if those people are your friends? Because the person you’re telling asks you, are you still talking about your friends? because they sound like total strangers..

Has it ever dawned on you that you should stop letting people in your life? and when you   do that,it feels so lonely but the loneliness feels better than the pain you get when you feel betrayed?

Do you deal with betrayal on a regular basis? How do you handle it? Do you stay or do you leave? Do you talk or do you keep all quiet and just move on..heart broken..your heart bleeding and nobody  understands?

Do you ever wonder why you cant find someone who wants to go bird watching on wednesday mornings? a person who wants to visit the museum and have icecream after? a person that calls you to ask you to check out the latest art gallery? a person that wants to go for dance classes because they cant do the club dances, they think, just like you that ballroom dancing takes a long time but its way more fun than popping or twerking or grinding? that person that pushes you to go jogging in the morning because its good for you and keeps you fit? a person that wants to go to the library and study for fun and because its so much fun? a person to create stuff with! a person that wants to take up some community service activities because it feels so good helping out! a person who wants to surprise our mothers with a random dinner cooked by us? a person to just look at something and laugh with? a person who wants to see the world and get into any academic competition just to go there because that’s a trip for free.shopping together and making a mockery out of yourselves? going for spa treatments together..?a person who wants to hunt down influential people to interview at dinners or luncheons so that we can have some of that wisdom to last a lifetime? a person that just wants to stare at the stars and wonder and wish and just talk? a person that shares your vision for what life can hold the limitless possibilities! should i go on? you get the drift..

do you ever?

Girls only.

Why you need to fail to have a great career

#FORME #FORYOU #GIRLSONLY

TED Blog

At TEDxUW 2011, economics professor Larry Smith gave a memorable talk titled, “Why you will fail to have a great career.” [ted_talkteaser id=1384]The hilarious talk takes aim at people and the incredible excuses they dream up for not pursuing their passions, from “It’s too hard” to “But I value human relationships more than my work.” His talk was a call for people to get out of their own way and at least try.

At this year’s event, entrepreneur Michael Litt gave his reaction to Smith’s talk, titled, “Why you have to fail to have a great career.” His idea: that failure provides the ultimate experience needed for success — learning to get up and dust yourself off after a fall. Watch above to hear Litt’s candid telling of a time he failed professionally, big time. Since being posting on December 23, this talk has been watched…

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THE FROG..THE PRINCE? IM CONFUSED

Today is one of those days. Filled with deja vu or just an eerie feeling all day. Feeling like i lived five minutes maybe because i was tired and sleepy or maybe i enjoyed my day so much that i didn’t want it to end. Class was awesome (i hope i feel the same way after the bar exams). I did what almost every girl loves, even did my nails today after what might be a Decade to some of us! and i loved it.

I came home, had a chat with my close people and im a Pisces so..we love water. and here i am now, after accomplishing my goal for the night which was to finish up some classwork.

Lets cut to the chase shall we! I Love watching TED talks. its a forum for people who’s ideas are worth the share. it makes you think and feel so much that you thought wasn’t available as a speech from someone. I watch these talks when i am seeking to improve on my public speaking skills, to feed my mind when it feels hungry (because just like the body needs food, the brain needs food in form of knowledge too, i get restless when i don’t read something, anything in a long time, anxiety maybe).

Today i watched one about relationships, because i wanted to figure something out, well i wanted to figure out what happens when one is in an abusive relationship, how to cope with it and why women stay in such relationships.

I am not in one, but i have been. The previous one was emotionally draining for me, very but it made me aware of alot when it comes to boys, and i  would rather have experienced that in a relationship that in marriage.

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The talk, i downloaded it, i have to figure out how to upload videos here though! i will post a link at the end of the post.

The lady talked of how she was abused in her marriage, she got in the relationship with a young man who she loved very much. She had just graduated from Havard and the guy was working for one of the banks on wallstreet. She was attracted to how smart this guy was and how funny he was. The guy, in time, told her about his abusive past relationship with his family. She felt sad for him and loved him more because the guy supported her in most of her endeavors more that anyone else ever did.

After sometime, the guy came home and told her that he had quit his job because of her,. He loved her alot, that is what he said and he wanted them to move. She thought that in relationships, one is required to make sacrifices and so she made one. I forgot to state that before their wedding day, a week before, the guy strangled her till  she couldn’t breathe and she went ahead to marry him.

What she says int this video is that people ask; WHY DO YOU STAY, WHY DON’T YOU JUST LEAVE HIM? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER?

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She gives a remarkable answer when she says…SHE DID NOT KNOW SHE WAS BEING ABUSED. this means that she thought she was strong woman who loved the husband very much, and he was going through alot ans she would not give up on him but try to help him solve his issues.

How many of us have been battered and bruised, a gun pointed at you and coffee poured on you in the morning as you prepare for an interview? Well, i haven’t.

But guess what…abuse does not have to be physical. Abuse is also emotional.

Emotional abuse from someone you love can be as bad as physical abuse or even worse. You love someone so much but they treat you so bad, meaninglessly and you always think that you are being a good woman, that you are staying because you love him, that its not a big deal he will apologise…All these excuses because you are in denial.

The lady, from the TED talk says that the week before marriage after the abuse, the guy told her all these things, that he is sorry and it will never happen again. But she goes on to say that the abuser has three strategies;

1. Get you to feel that you are in control

2. Isolate you from what you love doing or family and friends (which i think you may do without him necessarily forcing you to)

3. Kill you (to me this means, the guy will kill all the dreams you have of yourself. he will make sure that because you are about to leave, you will have nothing to offer to the world, you will not be happy anymore and you will think of yourself as a mop, dirty and revolting)

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Please be aware of yourself. I chose to do this by writing a list what what i feel and what i expect to feel as per treatment i get from someone and if that doesn’t balance, well, stay away from that person.

If you have a habit of forgiving easy, which may be mistaken by many as forgetting easily and they also take it as being weak, just write down what you do not want to experience and that will deter you, mostly the painful experiences.

Getting emotionally abused is executed by lovers, friends, and even family. Identify what you want, how you want to be treated and if that’s not it, please leave that relationship or avoid the person entirely before they kill you inside.

Note to self. Note to anyone that understands.

#GIRLSONLY.

click on the links for the video and some info i got.

signs of emotional abuse

THE TED TALK I AM TALKING ABOUT, just click on this link.

WHAT MUSIC DOES.

Listening to – where did he go – keri Hilson, and at that point in life, came up with this. Enjoy.

GIRLS ONLY

Well i was  going through my emails today and i bumped into this article that i had written a long time back…hope you all like it.

Listening to music brings out so much.Music should be used everywhere. Especially in class. I know for fact that it would bring the highs of everyone, most of us. When I listen to music, I listen to my heart. I listen to my body, to my brain. There’s that song that everyone wants to listen to when you are hurt, or sad, disappointed,expecting something, when you think about someone, or something..You know, that song, those songs you want to listen to when you feel a mess.

Theres that song that will always be right there for you anytime, everytime. Right now, where did he go. That’s a song by Miss. Keri. What it makes me feel…like I need myself. I need myself to be…

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What I learned from watching every TED-Ed Lesson

TED Blog

TED-Ed lessons

As a Production Intern at TED-Ed, a big part of my job has been to make sure none of our video files have any glitches. So for the past two months, I’ve watched every single TED-Ed Lesson — nearly 500 of them — at least twice. If TED-Ed were a menu, I’d have tried everything on it. If TED-Ed were a foreign country, I would be a fluent speaker of TED-Ed-ese. If TED-Ed were a network of highways, I could drive anywhere with my eyes closed. Not that I would ever do that, of course. 

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THE LIFE OF A 23 YEAR OLD ME.

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Can you imagine, 23 years Old. Got me thinking, what have i done all those years! I was in High school just the other day, well it seems like it. I was listening to music, like i always do most of the time before the day ends. Right now im listening to Slow Motion by Trey Songs, I love the Video. It’s a song that has a guitar playing in the background, and i love guitars.

Like my previous post, i believe music brings out alot in us at least in me. So this song got me thinking of how the beats that have been incorporated consist of drums and actual claps and it makes a great song when Trey sings.(Thats’s in my head, ignore it)

I have been thinking alot about this post, I have actually written a paragraph and deleted  it after running out of ideas or maybe not believing in it as i should.

I have however resulted to type my way to the end on this one.

Lets get started. My inspiration for this post was drawn from alot. First of all the fact that i am not getting any younger. Its a phenomenon that i am still dealing with. I’m still learning what ageing gracefully really means to me. I decided to just write some of the things that i have experienced, if not for every other girl out there, for me, because i know i will read this some time in the future and  i will enjoy reading it. Its like looking at old photos of myself. Today we have soft copies of them..sigh.

These are some of the experiences i have had up to this point and just like Brok Akil(Being Mary Jane’s producer)  made clear from the first episode of BMJ,  who i respect so much for her creativity, this post does not necessarily portray all 23 year olds, just me 🙂

1. EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES!

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Or at least that’s how it feels man! I have girlfriends from High School and from Campus creating human beings and its such a beautiful thing but it’s so scary for me. All i’m thinking is..i can’t even think of having a boyfriend right now. I know i always ask where THE guy is but i know that i’d hesitate dating at this point. It feels lonely and at some point confusing because i feel  liberated and so happy spending my time as i wish, not considering any guy when i plan my day. I then ask myself, will i be like this till i’m 30? and then be the only one who’s old and single?! just a thought..

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It’s just a confusing time when it’s about relationships.

2. I LOVE BEING SINGLE SO MUCH!

This is how i view a guy asking me to agree to  a relationship with him

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Of course NOT! lol I broke up two years ago, i have been single ever since. It has been a time to heal  and just get my mind right about boys. It also was a time for me to reconstruct myself, get to know what i really like and what i don’t. The last relationship, i thought would be that one which results to marriage , but..I DODGED THAT BULLET! and i am grateful because i  have learnt alot about myself. And it also gave me a sixth sense when it comes to new guys, i notice all the qualities i do not want from the get go.

The best part, you don’t have to put anybody in your schedule everyday, and i understand that when in a relationship spending time with your partner is the best time of your day but..i’m just not there yet. Not yet. I’m happy being my own.

3. BOOKS!

I am OBSESSED with reading self help books.

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I honestly had a really hard time reading any book that wasn’t on the course list or in the library for a long time, but, i fell in love with two books and i  had to get them.

It took me a long time and crossing fingers hoping nobody else buys them, because the seller only had one copy of it and the other i was just eager to start reading, but when i finally purchased them, i haven’t been able to let them go. One is ‘Life Lessons from the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma and the other is ‘The Ideal Lawyer’ by Ambrose Weda(a lawyer based in Kenya) They are two books i cannot get enough of, i read them every chance i get, i am almost done with Sharma’s book and i can say that it has actually helped me learn what i needed to learn faster,. it has given me the confidence to actually say that I am a work in progress.

The Ideal Lawyer had literally been published at the right time, when i had all these questions you can not ask everyday but they are always on my mind because i want to learn how to become the best lawyer  can be. I appreciate the book very much Sir Ambrose very much. Thank You. I am making it a goal to get him to come to school and give us a talk.

4? SCHOOL DOES PAY

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All those years and some people still say all these nasty things about school and the most shocking thing is some of them actually mean it. In Primary School, where it starts, in my case, some ended up dropping out. Well, i do not have the luxury of dropping out from school for sure because i know both my parents would  have my head! It’s sad that some people actually hate school and i don’t get it.

It’s agreeable that sometimes i just want to be home or somewhere else but i know if i did that everyday, i’m sure i wouldn’t be as happy deep inside. Negatives aside, school pays because i have had the chance to meet so many amazing people who are still in my life, that inspire me  so much and keep me going. I have had experiences in my life that i know i’d never get anywhere else. and i applaud school for having accorded that opportunity to me.

5. ARE BIG BOOTIES A TREND?

I am very petite okay. Yes, small “bootey” if you may. In my twenties, i have had my share of watching so many videos with chiqs with really big behinds, then, all of a sudden, the web world is full of big booties, and then..it goes as far as being insulted by being tagged a skinny B****’ ! hurts doesn’t it. It hurts me.

notaWAR

Let me make this clear before i get called out on this, i do not hate big behinds, i actually think i like them, watching them..but, anyone thinking its wrong to have a small frame is crazy.Lets just accept..the world would be a boring place without diversity..yes, even in that. Nobody should ever feel that they are better because of their body type, its like racism! Accept that we are all different otherwise young girls who haven’t had the self confidence yet will get injections to get a bigger one just like when some have dark  skin and bleach their skin to get lighter skin.Same thing.

6. WEIGHT GAIN!

When we are still on big behinds, my weight drastically went down ever since i came back to Nairobi, i was 46 kgs last time i checked and that’s shocking! I want my 54 kg weight back and i just don’t know how to do that! Trust me i eat EVERYTHING any time i’m not too lazy to take care of myself. My body just wont gain anything..HELP..ANYONE!?

7. D.

No. Its not what you’re thinking.

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It’s a friend of mine.. and i just have to appreciate him because he has always been someone i can rely on. I can always talk to and feel that i have made a wise decision. He helps me just get my mind right really. He is amazing.

It’s really rewarding and fulfilling having someone you can count on. i’d say a guy who you can talk to and really respects you goes a long way. a long way. Shout out to Him. I know he’s not reading this 🙂 Thanks alot for being..here.

7? SUITS, HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER, BEING MARY JANE

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These are three series that i honestly cannot get enough of. I could watch them over and over and over. They  make me step away from reality abit and revive my dreams by showing me that you can actually have what you want, you just have to keep working towards it and never let yourself be boring!

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8. PSYCHOLOGY

It’s an interest that i gained in campus after the  criminology classes.

After we learned about the ID, Ego and superego, i just cannot get enough of the self concept and how to master yourself. It’s a phenomenon that i would want to teach but first learn in detail. Very interesting.

Is it a coincidence that our firm project is on career development and my part is about the five stages of career development , it involves the self concept (okay,Donald Super said that its SELF CONCEPT, he hated that people put a ‘the’ before it and said there is no such thing). I am excited about it.

9. LOVE

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Not now. But, i do feel like i love some people, i am that confused! and this is why i cannot think of a relationship, because i do not even know what i want yet.

I will say this though, Anyone that loves you treats you right, will never push you into anything but will woo you to it (win you over),they will respect and support your ambitions, they make you a better person, they will always want the best for you and will always care about you and your well-being.

That is all.

10. NO MAN!

Jim Carrey (i miss watching him, reminds me that i have never watched bruce almighty) he had this movie called Yes Man, where he played a character that would say yes to everything but worked out really bad afterwards.

I struggle with disappointing those i care about so much and sometimes end up hurting myself in the long run. I am still trying to figure a way out that hurts me less or not at all as well as makes those that i care about understand. D has always tried to teach me to do what is best for me, it’s really hard though.

11. PEACE OF MIND

I learnt how to have peace mentally.

Sharma quotes in his book that it is important to have a moment of silence everyday so as to be able to be at peace with yourself. Its true, i was out of touch with myself a long time. I have grown to appreciate my thoughts and feelings in time, just appreciating that i occupy space and that i need to be calm and at peace with myself first then be at peace with the world. It has helped.

Just learn how to know what you feel at a particular time and make a choice not to or to to feel it,negative especially. Be in touch with your inner being, we are all very different and how i could react to events is not the same way you could. Identify yourself from the rest.

12. FAMILY

Always Always Always, never forget your family. I spent yesterday with my granddad and, the time we spent together talking, nobody can equate that to anything else, he was just from surgery. I could have frozen time at that point. Really. I love my family so much and it’s just the best thing knowing that you have the same blood flowing within us.

13. NOT EVERYBODY DESERVES YOUR TIME AND SPACE

This is another one i am struggling with. Because i love being around people i consider my friends, its really difficult knowing who is truly your friend and who is a foe.

I continue to learn that not everyone you consider a friend considers you a friend and, being an introvert, and knowing that i do not click fast enough with people, it makes me think that when i do, then that is a true friend. That applies for some of them. Some use this strength you have to get into your skin and just treat you like garbage. Don’t let them.

Having been taught that tit for tat is not how i’m supposed to live, its difficult to know when to draw the line because i value the few i have alot. Its still a journey.

14. MONEY IS NEVER EVER ENOUGH

Just work for everything you want.

I want an apartment, loft-like because i like big space plus i cant stand sleeping alone in a house with many rooms i  can not look into and you know what, i have to really earn alot of cash for that. How…?well, learn everything i’m supposed to, work at MMC Africa, enjoy my work and earn my money then buy off that apartment because i don’t want to think of rent every month and i”m not sure i am patient enough to await completion of construction of an apartment from scratch.

And do not compare what you get with anyone (although hard for competitive spirits like me) use it as motivation and not to feel bad about yourself. But just be yourself do not duplicate someone else, its ugly.

15. LOVE WHAT YOU DO BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL

This long/short i have lived, i learn from everything from the clouds in the sky, the birds, the train that passes by, the bodaboda(mode of public transport on a motorbike) guy that picks me, the drivers, touts, my little sister kayla, my brother and just everything.

I never aspired to become a lawyer but this is where i am and i love it. I however struggled with the fear of everyone that aspired to be one since childhood being better than me. One day i just realized how stupid it was to wish to be somewhere else when i had actually been accepted to law school(which seemed like just another course to me but learnt later on it is a noble profession enviable and a huge  responsibility) just like them, admitted, took on the same exams, attended the same classes, ..point is, if i was not living my moment, who was?

I refuse to become that old woman who regrets everything on her death-bed. You should too.

This is part of what i have encountered. I will be here ageing for more.

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.

…..To be continued.

GIRLS ONLY!