here we go…again. :-)

This blog is dedicated to God, our father in heaven. He looks down upon us and protects us. His grace is immeasurable and his mercy has no magnitude.

He gave us His only son, so that we may be forgiven by His blood. We thank Him for the cross, for that sacrifice He made, left an amazing place that no eye has seen and no ear has heard about. A place we cannot imagine so that He could come to earth to die for our sins. Meaning he ran to His earthly death so that we could be saved, so that we may have hope. He really means that He can die for us, and He did exactly that. If that’s not real love I do not know what is. He carried that cross to Calvary, fell three times and he still stood up every time  and moved on, bearing that heavy cross just for us. He did not have to but He did.  This just makes me wonder of how special we are to God in heaven, how much He treasures us but we do not see it.

I compare this to a relationship, you see this guy and you like him so much, you do all that you can to get his attention and he never ever notices you, how does that make you feel? Okay, for those girls who have given up on guys, which I will talk about too, let’s use an example of your mom. You do so much to show her you value and love her, but she ignores it all the time, says she’s busy working or watching something,. That rejection hurts, I can only imagine what God feels when we reject Him after sacrificing so much for us, even His own son. He gave us His best.

Jesus would have given up, said, I can’t do this and walked away, or be whisked away in heaven by the angels, but He did not. He looked into the eyes of the women who cried, felt the pain of the whips cutting through His skin and blood dripping on His forehead and He knew that it was worth it. All the pain, the entire struggle, and all that weight He carried  would save nations from eternal  fire. It would bring multitudes to the Father.

I always wish that I was born in those times, when there was no electricity. When all we did was talk bake laugh share memories and learn. Those times when being a believer was not such a –mouth wide open what are you talking about where were you born- kind of moment expressed when you said that you are born again and that you believe in God and His son Jesus Christ.

I chose to blog about God, life, love and how all these reflect on a girl’s life because I know I can relate most with someone somewhere who feels like there is no chance. John the Baptist said that there is nothing new under the sun right? So what I went through is no different from someone else somewhere.  I chose to blog about Christianity and the journey through my life, the bad and the good. I chose to blog about moments that I wished I was dead and moments I knew I deserved to be off the face of the earth. Sounds like depression huh..Yes, rock bottom moments of my life as a teen ager.

You know…life is a really interesting event. We think it’s long but it’s just a matter of time, a very short time. Do you know that there is a building  in the streets of Nairobi that has been there more than a hundred years. A tree that has grown thousands of years. This means, my ancestors were here and left it there. That shows you how short human life is. And we all should ensure that we use it to the maximum. We should live to live again.

Life should not be as meaningless. Today, I was in the mat  going home after a whole day of studying. Let me rewind, I woke up today and it was so cold and rainy. I decided to sleep off but I heard my mum call a cab telling the person on the other end that they should get her at 7.45am, that was about thirty minutes to. I thought, I should make it to school early and study, I was avoiding the rain because, you know us girls and the rain, the hair will get messed up, we want to look good ALL the time. So I jumped out of bed like I just had an electric shock and showered so fast and picked some jeans a t-shirt and a tuxedo coat, you know they do wonders for the outfit. So I picked some heels and before mum could go I said I’d go with her.

I am learning to live in the moment, I don’t know if it makes sense but, I have realized that I have fewer memories because I always think of stuff I have to take care of, something that happened a few years ago, what I have to do thirty minutes to come. I hope you get it now, I never live in the moment, I always think of the past or the future and when I think of the present I always think of how it will affect the future. Complex! So I decided that I would live in the present, because when I look at my past, it’s not written. Why, because  during that past I was thinking of the present which was the future at that time.

So I got to school, at about eight thirty, and since that time, I studied. I had an exam. I ate lunch alone, I hate eating alone, just because I had to study for the good grades I want. My classmates nowhere to be found because we were all studying for this big exam. I am always a last minute person. It’s not a good thing. I always try. It’s a habit to break out of. So when the exam time neared I was so tense and my classmates told me this topic will be tested and that topic will be tested and all this confused me because when I study, what I have read is what I know and when I let the slightest thought that I don’t know, my head jumbles up and I feel like I’m just blank.. After a whole day of study, I feel blank.. After eating lunch alone I feel blank? Really?

I recollected myself, asked myself why I let myself not believe In myself and ran to the library. I read all the short notes and In my head, I thought, but nobody mentioned this and nobody mentioned that and I had it but they never seemed to feel blank. So I regained part of my confidence and walked swiftly to class;

“ I hope you know there’s no exam”,

“what? No way..”, I smiled and brushed it off.

I walked towards class because; you know someone might pull your leg. I am a Thomas when it comes to business, serious business, because lawyers are taught, seeing is  believing. So I clarified and before I got to class everyone told me, there is no exam, it has been postponed.

Behold, a paradox. To be happy or not to be happy.

No exam but my whole day was spent in school.

I think of every scenario as applying to my spiritual life, and I thought,. If this was heaven even if I had the slightest idea that there was no heaven, would I prepare for it and be disappointed later or should I prepare for it and be happy when I find it there.

We live in a world that has faded away belief, religion especially Christianity. The story of Adam and Eve inspires me. It inspires me not to put blame on anyone. I put the blame on myself. I have made my beliefs fade away like that wind in Kalahari. Faith in God and in Jesus is just another question we choose  to ignore. Application forms asking about my religion, I do not hesitate to write down so boldly that I am a Christian. The actions however do not speak the same.

For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory. And I am amongst them. I choose to walk in this journey by repainting my faith with a bold colour just like Peter marangi. I choose to live my life as a Christian of faith. This is not a one day thing. It is a journey. We are not perfect, we are not a perfect square and NOBODY has the guide book to life. Only by faith and by the teachings Jesus left us here on this earth can we live according to His words and according to His will. Otherwise, the bible will not tell you what time to wake up tomorrow or what clothes to wear, it just guides you and it is for you to make a choice. It is for you to choose, either to be ready for that exam and not do it, or find the exam on your desk after not studying  because someone somewhere gave you an idea that there is no exam.

My life hasn’t been rosy and dreamy, I’m sure many of ours. But we still live right? I am the kind of girl who planned  her life by age, I knew what I wanted to do at sixteen, what I wanted to do at eighteen, at twenty two, at twenty one but it hasn’t been exactly as planned it out. I will talk about this journey, hoping that I get to someone in my shoes or someone who is not.

Like I say, live, Laugh, love.

Till next write, pray love and seek.

 

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