I AM THE UGLY DUCKLING

Today was one of those days. When you wake up and almost everything goes wrong. Electricity bill overdue and the tout was giving me a hard time telling me that he gave me my change while in fact he did not talking to me like i was going insane. I am not.

Everything was brighter when i met up with a friend. Time well spent at the art gala and great food, my favourite spaghetti bolognaise and some nice red wine. We talk deep, that’s what friends do, and it led me here,
coupled with Mozart in the background.

The past few weeks have been gruesome for me, going through the ‘normal’ , which for me mostly is, not understanding people. Being normal is so boring and complicated. That what i say now coz i am just tired of being normal. Then again, i should explain what normal is to me.

Normal is, conforming to everybody’s imagination of what ought to be. Trust me, i have tried and i just do not fit in and i have accepted it with grace, honour and pride.

This is what i think most of everyone does not understand. We all construct our own reality. I use the word construct because it is an idea that we get used to to the extent that we commence to impose this imagination that is rooted within us on other people, i call them the partially  blind fellows. A teacher of mine from high school taught us a great lesson with one of the prophesies from Benny Hinn if my memory serves me right.

“So many people follow each other anticipating to see what is ahead of them not knowing that the people who led are going into a crater of fire. The multitude is so large that those who are close enough to see it try to flee and warn the uninformed followers, the curious on lookers, they try to push their way back but, there is a stampede because everyone wants to go ahead, just because that is where everyone is heading. So this leaves everyone being tossed inside the crater, nobody can go back. Everyone that falls in wishes  that they could warn the rest  but they cannot because everyone just wants to follow the crowd no matter where it leads”

Everytime Mr. Kibati told us this story i always got the shivers. I never wanted to be among those who do not envisage what is ahead. I never wanted to be a follower of any human being’s ideology. I wanted to have my own identity, live my life learn my lessons and be happy.

However, i succumbed to the pressures of pleasing my friends and family because i care about their opinions so much. I believed that family and friends always support each other no matter what the circumstances may be. I stood to be corrected, it happened the hard way.

Trying to live to peoples expectations is so difficult for me. Its a donkeys task. I tried to be social, i tried to talk like everybody else, i tried to think like everyone around me, i tried to live like everyone around me, i almost had the same sleeping posture!

Acceptance is a good feeling. Almost what you feel when you eat a piece of Italian pizza. It so delicious and fresh. Its unique and tasty. I enjoyed it, because i laughed in unison with everybody, i was part of a group! i had finally gained the acceptance i wanted, the acceptance i thought i needed. Well we all know this is heading to…until….

Well, i enjoyed all these until, those i had sacrificed what felt like my whole soul’s value and meaning started finding faults in me. Just like the ugly duckling. I was among the ducklings, i had become part of the pack but i was still ugly. I wondered what i was doing wrong, i spoke like everyone else, i walked and laughed like them, but i still had fault? How?

Long story short, i finally realised that you will never lose the element of ‘your destiny’ (your-self) and everybody who can see what you are meant to be will always find a fault in you because they know you should be different. Its sort of like a push to your destiny. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Be you! Nobody has the same reality. We all construct our own different realities.

I am no millionaire, but i will get there. Right now, there is that someone that will buy an island or buy a Bentley in a day and will find it ‘normal’. This is because that is his reality. That is life to him. Thre is someone who will not eat a meal until the day after tomorrow, do they choose it, of  course not, but that their reality.

We all live in the same world. We all breathe the same air, We all walk on the same ground, but we all live totally different lives and ITS OKAY!

Let nobody tell you or treat you like what you desire to have in your life is unbelievable or absurd. Its not! Its YOUR reality nobody elses. Take it and run with it. We all have different ones.

And it all starts with that. Accepting that you are not ‘normal’, you do not have to conform to any human’s definition of what life ought to be. Nobody on earth chose your family or friends. I have this insane idea in my head that we chose that before conception. That every situation we are in was a known unknown and we knew that we could go through it and become stronger and better. It doesn’t matter where you are from or what you are going through.

I cannot complete this without a word from the Bible, it says  that God knew us before conception in our mothers wombs. He says that He knows the plans He has for us, plans for prosperity and not for failure. The Bible also warns us not to give the devil a foothold.

These words explain that God made us as individuals, He knows the number of hair in your head and He knows us by name. He does not group us or refer us to, you humans, no. He knows you by name and He knows the number of hair you have on your head. BEAT THAT HUMAN! 🙂

 

appreciate yourself..the rest will follow. Be the ugly duckling and own it..normal is so yesterday!

#GIRLSROCK #GIRLSONLY